


all we do is sit in silence waiting for a sign

by darlingargents



Series: all we do is drive (femslash bluesey 'verse) [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe — No Supernatural, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blue isn’t cursed and something happened with Adam????, F/F, First Kiss, Genderbending, Girl!Gansey, Holding Hands, Rule 63, Stargazing, Unresolved Romantic Tension, idk man i just wrote this and didn’t think very hard about it, idk man it’s just an AU don’t look at me, kissing under the stars, more of a snippet than a story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8355151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingargents/pseuds/darlingargents
Summary: Her first kiss, under the starlight, with the first girl she’s ever loved.
It’s more than Blue has ever dared to hope for.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally not edited or betaed... like, at all... I just had the idea and wrote it basically??? Idk man. There's no supernatural elements in this 'verse, and something happened with Adam that involved Blue and Gansey, idk what. Idk, I just wanted to write Soft Bluesey Femslash is all. Quick note: I haven't reread the books for ages (since before TRK came out, at least) so this isn't suppose to be a parallel to any specific scene, I just pulled details out from what I could remember.  
> Title from The Ultimate Bluesey Song™ (Drive by Halsey)

Blue had never thought a Raven Girl could be so vulnerable.

They’re here under the stars, parked on a hill overlooking Henrietta, and her heart is beating a staccato rhythm in her chest, and Gansey is beside her, knees drawn up to her chest and staring at the sky like it can answer all of her questions. They sit on the roof of the Camaro, and Gansey’s hand is only inches away from Blue’s, and she wants — she _wants_.

Blue moves her hand just a little closer to Gansey’s, but before she can take a risk, Gansey speaks, her voice so soft that Blue almost doesn’t hear it. “What’s the point?” she asks the stars. She turns to Blue, and repeats the question. “What’s the _point_?”

Blue swallows, the small sound almost too loud in the darkness. “Of what?”

“All of this.” Gansey waves a hand at the sky so far away and the city so far below. “Humans, we… we can’t do anything right. We just break hearts and lose everything we care about.”

She doesn’t have to say _Adam_. They both know the other is thinking it. Blue closes her eyes, inhales the warm Henrietta night, and opens them to glance at Gansey out of the corner of her eye.

Gansey looks… lost. So lost, and alone, and Blue wants to kiss her, wants it more than anything she’s ever wanted before. Gansey usually looks like she can hold the world on her shoulders, and somehow this makes her vulnerability look so much more painful to Blue's eyes. She wants to hold her, to keep her safe, to make sure she never looks this lost and alone ever again.

Gansey is looking down, her soft brown hair falling in waves around her face, and Blue aches inside.

But she doesn’t take what she wants — she knows it’s too soon for both of them. So she takes Gansey’s hand, and they hold hands and watch the stars.

* * *

It’s another night and they’re stargazing again and Blue wonders _is this a date?_ before dismissing the thought out of hand. It’s what she wants — desperately — but thinking of it like that and then realizing the cold, hard truth that neither of them can move on yet would be too painful. So she sits under the stars again and doesn’t say a word.

The night is cold, colder than before, and Blue is wearing Gansey’s jacket, the leather soft and warm against her skin. Gansey doesn’t look cold, in only a polo shirt and Aglionby sweater.

Blue can’t think of any other girl who’d have the ambition and talent to make it into Aglionby, to be a Raven Girl in a school of Raven Boys. She’d always thought she’d have to stay away from Raven Boys — they’re nothing but trouble — but Gansey, the solitary Raven Girl, is far more dangerous to Blue’s heart.

Well, there was Adam, she supposes, but that — that’s over now.

“Jane?” says Gansey, and Blue turns to her.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

And before Blue can ask what the hell Gansey is saying, the other girl is closing the distance between them and suddenly they’re kissing.

Blue feels herself freeze at the sudden contact, warmth flooding beneath her skin. Gansey starts to pull away, and Blue can feel the guilt and shame the other girl is feeling, and she pulls Gansey closer and kisses her back, almost desperately.

She realizes, dimly, that this is her first kiss. She’s thought about it before, but this is beyond anything her imagination could conjure up. Gansey is warm and solid against her, and she tastes like mint lip balm, and Blue’s skin feels like a million nerve endings, all on fire where Gansey is touching her. Gansey’s hand is gentle where it cradles the side of her face, and Blue thinks _is this what love is like?_

She thinks so. She hopes so.

Her first kiss, under the starlight, with the first girl she’s ever loved.

It’s more than Blue has ever dared to hope for.


End file.
